“And then the commentariat! My feed lit up with my friends arguing against me. I even got chastised for being a bad historian for failing to note the song is from the 1940s. Over and over, the context of the song was explained to me. But that’s the thing, this cuts both ways. If we want to consider historical context for things, then let’s discuss Confederate War monuments.”
In the last few months, I had to deal with the fact that I may suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD). After talking with my medical team over this possibility, I read a lot on that subject, and I thought a lot about myself in these last few months. It does explain a LOT of past behaviours and reactions. And ever since I became aware of its possibility, I change a lot of stuff in my life to make it better (and it did!).
But there is still one main point characterizing BPD that I have a hard time dealing with: the constant, ever-eternal, chronic feeling of emptiness.
Boooyyyyyyyy do I have that one HARD! And fuck do I hate it.
But…it does explain A LOT in my past: how I was never able to focus on one project at a time (and especially bring it to “completion”/finish); how I was always jumping from one thing to another, never satisfied, never happy after the happy rush from its beginnings; the hard time to focus at school, always happy to start the semester, but always struggling to finish it (let’s not talk about my university grades; the never-ending ADHD side of myself which always struggle to finish anything…fuuuuucccckkkkkkkk!);
So now, I’m trying to see if I can change this point a little. Push myself a little to NOT drop whatever new project/thing I try or start. It’s hard, but if I deal with it one day at a time, I might manage it…